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Major 3V3 Personnel Changes Announced


Written by: Kris Larson
Monday, April 28, 2008

The Bristol Cyclones 3V3 team recently announced a major change in their front office personnel.

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We are pleased to tell the world that Nelson Teixeira will be replacing Kris Larson as the head coach, said the teams public relations director.  This will be a great thing for the kids, the community and the <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />United States of America.


The sudden change happens in the wake of scandal surrounding Larsons tenure as the 3V3 head coach.  Under Larsons leadership, the team mercy-ruled every competitor in Regional and World Championship matches. 


His behavior was terrible.  He was always competing, said Larsons always supportive wife Donna.  I had to tell him to cut it out when he was teaching the girls to distract their competition so their shoe laces could be tied together.


Whatever, said Coach Larson.  Listen, if you chuckleheads cant figure out by now that I dont have a clue about this game, you havent been paying attention.  Even the girls were figuring it out.  We killed everyone out there.  If they want to kick me out thats fine.


Reached by phone, Rob Cimbron an assistant coach for they 3V3 squad pointed out the Nelson obviously has time to learn the game.  Hes never in the office.  He must have been watching soccer on TV.  Its a good thing, though.  Larson was never at practice on time and he often went to the wrong field.


Confused by Cimbrons comments, Dana Teixeira was quick to jump to her husbands defense.  Nels was a great player, she said.  You may not know it because he doesnt tell anyone but he was the number one draft pick in BYSA as a kid.  He also played semi-professionally for the Boston Aztecs.  Thats impressive and that was enough for me to marry him.   I stalked him for years after first hearing of the legendary Teixeira.


Teixeira will be taking over the squad after a very brief assignment in BYSAs U6 division.  Despite rumors fueled by Marc Levesque, Teixeira was a coach, not a player in the U6 program.  When asked to comment, Levesque would only say Ill go with whatever you want.  I mean I like our coach but if you guys want to make a change, thats okay with me.  Im just saying.


Its about time something happened, said Liza Olson.  I dont say much on the sideline but this was starting to tick me off.  He was useless.  I was going to nominate my husband for the job but I try to keep him busy cleaning the house.


Im outraged and confused by the decision, said Kim Levesque.  Nelson seems too nice of a guy.  I dont think hell be able to yell at my daughter during the baseball games the way Larson did.


Larson will take on new responsibilities with the organization including carrying the bag, carrying a grudge, carrying extra pounds around his waist and carrying a heavy burden.

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